My Subconscious was Confused Last Night

My subconscious was confused last night. It dreamt of you. It remembered the late nights and the warmth your body gave me. It remembered the tickle fights and the kisses. It remembered our first time and our last. It remembered the happy days and the days filled with light. It was confused because those days are no longer. Those days still exist but they are in grey now.

I dreamt of a cloudy, rainy day. Cuddled up in the covers watching the movie series we both loved so much. The movie series our wedding day would have been based on. One day those movies will only be movies and I will be able to watch them and not think of you.

I dreamt of a sunny, warm day. Picnics under the willow tree and dog walks. I will one day be able to go back to that willow tree and it will remind me of my grandfather again instead of you.

I gave so much of myself to you. I sacrificed so much of who I was. I am whole without you. I am a person I never thought I would become. I am completely and fully me. That is not something I could have said a year ago or four.

I woke up in tears. I let them be there. I let myself feel. No matter how many months, I still expect to be affected some days. After letting the feelings be felt, I no longer felt sadness and instead felt peace.

I am at peace. I realized that I was not missing you, I was missing someone. Someone whom was there. There to hold me, care for me, love me. I was missing a piece in my life I has gotten so used to being there. I was used to having someone.

One day, my subconscious will no longer be confused. My often thoughts of you will fade and I will let go of what once was.